Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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