He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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