bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I sprained my soul last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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