Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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