yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
