i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
God I need to hump something, right now.
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