One girl and one boy is just not enough.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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