I've blown a few things in my day
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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