Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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