I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
