We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
