how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
