Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
