At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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