You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
another moral hangover. fuck.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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