You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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