So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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