In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
