I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
