All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
