6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
