dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize