I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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