Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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