I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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