I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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