Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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