They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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