I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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