we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
