I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
