The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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