i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
