Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
