I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
