We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
