Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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