Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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