there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
