Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
