I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
