he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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