There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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