Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
