I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
