i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
