I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
