She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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