My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
