I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
