You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
