I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize