Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
