i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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