eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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