Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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