I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this will be a night to untag.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
