If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
