y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
