your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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