It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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