So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
