Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
