if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
