The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
