I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
