Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Soap is not a condiment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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