At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
