i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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