oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
