i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just blew my weed a kiss
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Congratulations! We have a period
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
